I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
