I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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