In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
