I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
