What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize