Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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