; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't deserve a penis
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
