So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Randomize
