seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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