so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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