he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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