she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just gargled with NyQuil
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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