I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I puked a lego.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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