if only i could text you this smell
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
