I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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