it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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