I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
