respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
