did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
