I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
