apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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