I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
