it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
