brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish my penis had an off switch
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
