I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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