btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I deserve this hangover.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
