My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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