I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
