no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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