I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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