I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
