i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
