I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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