So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
