I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
True strength comes from lack of pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
