My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
