We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize