I didn't shave. On purpose
i love accidental penises.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
