Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
