maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
