Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
