Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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