wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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