i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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