woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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