im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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