On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
