He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
