is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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