do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
