I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
