Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
