I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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