Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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