well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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