he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize