Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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