tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
