if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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