my being single is dangerous.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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