He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please don't give away my fajitas
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
