remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dignity is for republicans.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
