I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
