Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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