I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
