We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
