so that wasnt chicken after all
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
