my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
