just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize