they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
