I feel great
I just peed on a car
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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