not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
