Yo dont text me then not text me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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