How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
