Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
