I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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