I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
