I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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