If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
