The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
