he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize