they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
