Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The best revenge is premature balding
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
