I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
