my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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