he thought i was a dude.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
