oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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