loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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