Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
