so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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