just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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