I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
