Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
