i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
