Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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