I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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