Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
