So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Canβt fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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